


'Cos it's hard to tell It's hard to say

by IamZor



Category: Love Simon (2018), Simonverse | Creekwood Series - Becky Albertalli
Genre: Arguments, Coming Out, Garrett is an angel, M/M, Missing Scene, Misunderstandings, POV Bram Greenfeld, Pre-Spierfeld, cute stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-27
Updated: 2019-01-27
Packaged: 2019-10-17 09:10:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17557499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IamZor/pseuds/IamZor
Summary: Bram comes out to Garrett soon after Simon has been outed because there's been a misunderstanding. (Book Compliant)





	'Cos it's hard to tell It's hard to say

**Author's Note:**

> The title comes from the Elliot Smith song "Oh well, ok." Becky Albertalli refferences his music in her book and so I thought I'd be true to that!

So the thing is, I’ve thought about telling Garrett on many occasions. Now, more than ever, it seems necessary. How else am I supposed to explain everything that had happened the last few days? From our conversation after tryouts to the one he forced upon me at my locker. As well as the numerous times he’d caught me “staring at Leah,” well, staring at Simon, but he doesn’t know that. I guess I’m not totally against telling Garrett I’m gay, but it’s the kind of thing I just keep putting off because it scares me.

Yesterday, I can tell, was a hard day for many of us. Especially Simon. Seeing him passing in the halls with his head down and tears behind his eyes, was heartbreaking. It was painful just to see him like that. I wanted more than anything just to go up to him; to hug him and tell him it would all be alright. Hell, I wish I’d been brave enough to walk up to him and announce myself as Blue if it would have made him feel any better. I felt terrible for him because he’d been outed publicly in the worst of ways, while I could barely muster the courage to tell my secret to Garrett: the most non-judgemental person I know.

Maybe those two words, the ones I fear, would be shared sooner than later because Garrett needs an explanation of some kind.

Soccer tryouts, two nights ago, began totally normally. They included a lot of drills and running around for endless hours, but somewhere in the middle things got better. I shared a small conversation with Simon, which was enough to make my day. Well, it was sort of a conversation. He said something about “soccer auditions,” which made me laugh and correct him politely. A few polite words are the closest thing to a conversation we ever share. He’d been staring at me and I have to admit, I felt the slightest bit self-conscious, especially being so sweaty and unpresentable from tryouts. He has these expressive, gray eyes that I could easily stare into for hours and having them focused on me, well, it was enough to make me flustered.

After tryouts, Garrett met me near my car. He pounced me with information on the matter of Sarah Cooper. Apparently, she came by tryouts and commented that I was “cute for a soccer nerd,” and I should ask her out. He kept insisting, but I shook my head. What was I supposed to say? I mean, Sarah Cooper is hot. At least, she is by most people’s standards. She’s also smart and nice from what I can tell from the little time I’ve spent around her. She’d probably be perfect for me if I was into that, but obviously, I’m not. “Not my type,” I simply said. Garrett gaped and retorted with an indignant “Hmph.”  
“What’s that supposed to mean?” He asked. I didn’t know what else to say. She really wasn't.

The next day at school, Garrett had his eyes on me all day like he was watching me suspiciously. He caught me by my locker between periods and jumped me with accusations. “I see you staring, Greenfeld!”  
“Wha.. what?” I was completely caught off guard. What did he mean? Did he actually catch me staring at Simon? Was it that obvious? (And which time?)  
“Do you like Leah?” His voice dropped to a shy, disappointed almost, tone. I was speechless.  
“What, no.”  
He huffed. “You know about my thing for her, man. I mean, I tell you enough. We’re friends and you know I haven’t exactly worked up the courage to ask her out yet.” He sounded genuinely hurt.  
“Garrett, I don’t like Leah!”  
“Then, why don't you go out with Sarah, she likes you. I know you like someone and I see you staring at Leah all the time!”  
“I.. uh.” He cut off my stammering.  
“Exactly. You’re always watching her with Spier. I see you at lunch, like, pining over her, but she’s already mine to pine over. You’re my best friend, so can you just please tell me if you like her!” The bell rang and for once I didn’t feel saved by it. I wish I could have been given a chance to explain. Not that I even had an explanation. How was I supposed to tell him I wasn’t staring at Leah all those times, but pining over the same person I had been crushing on since freshman year without spilling the fact I was gay. How was I supposed to tell him I was head over heels in love with a certain Mr. Spier. I just knew I couldn’t lose Garrett. I had to figure something out and that might mean coming out.

At lunch, earlier today, Simon and Abby came into the cafeteria a little later than the rest of us. They were probably coming from a theater thing. Simon sat down next to Leah and consequently right in front of me. Garrett was at the other end of the table eyeing me.

Simon had on a soft, black hoodie under his jacket and his hair was messy and fluffed up. His glasses, as usual, occasionally slipped down to his nose and he had to push them up slightly between parts of the heated discussion he and Nick were sharing. He was unbelievably adorable and I couldn’t help but stare a bit. Garrett gave me this look of utter disbelief and I quickly remembered our argument and how close Leah was sitting to Simon. I could tell he was mad. I had to tell him.

I mean, it’s Garrett. Lovable, soccer playing dork Garrett who I’ve known since Junior high and who’s always been there for me. I know deep down inside that his reaction won’t be bad, but it’s almost like the secret itself isn’t the thing I’m struggling with. I’m ok with being gay, it’s just the fact that I’ve kept it secret for so long, sharing it has become a really scary thing.

So now I have to tell him. Maybe I don’t have to, but I’m ready and I know that now is better than later.  
I meet him by his locker after seventh. “Hey, I want to explain earlier, but what I have to tell you is kind of a big deal. Can we go someplace to talk for a bit?” He looks back at me with confused eyes. “I can drive you home.” I pause for a second. “Please.” His face falls.  
“Okay, yeah. I don’t want to call my mom again.” Truth is, Garrett is an incredible friend and he can tell that having this conversation, whatever it is, means a lot to me. He follows me out into the school parking lot. When we’re both closed inside my car, I finally speak.  
“So, here’s the thing.” I pause and take a shaky breath. I look back at him with intense eyes. This is about to happen. I’m about to tell him. “I’m gay.” I hear the words leave my lips. I’m silent for a second, holding my breath and waiting for a response.  
“Oh.” He breaks slowly into a wide smile. “Dude.” He giggles gently punching my arm.  
“Yeah, so I don’t like Leah, she’s all yours.” I smile. “But you might want to make a move soon, she’s not going to wait around for you.” He laughs.  
“True.” He’s quiet for a minute. “Who have you told?” He asks.  
“Well, just you and my mom.” His eyes widen.  
“Wow, I’m honored.” I crack a smile. He thinks to himself quietly for a bit before his eyes suddenly light up with a realization. “You don’t like Leah, but you do like someone, it’s obvious.” I blush. “Oh my god, wait, you have a thing for Spier, don’t you!” He screams, smirking widely to himself at his own realization.  
“Uh.. well..” I stutter although it’s hopeless at this point.  
“I knew it.” He gives me the fiercest bro arm punch and I wince. “No wonder you’re constantly staring that direction and you’re so awkward around him. I guess you’re just love-struck, not super shy.”  
“I’m shy too,” I laugh.  
“And, I’m cool with the gay thing, just so you know. Nothing’s gonna change, know that.” I know that, and I know Garrett’s an incredible friend who I’m lucky to have, but the thing is, stuff is going to change. I have pretty much figured out that Simon is Jacques, and while that makes me love him even more, it also means that I have a scary decision to make. Am I ready to come out as gay? And to even more meaning, am I ready to come out as Blue?  
“Yeah, Garrett, I do know. You’re a great friend. I don’t know why it was so hard for me to tell you,” I admit.  
“Because it’s a scary thing.” We nod at each other and smile warmly.

I’m so glad that Garrett knows and that it’s ok with him. It’s a huge weight off my shoulders, but at the same time, I somewhat regret him finding out. Mostly because the teasing is relentless. It’s just small things too. He doesn’t even have to say anything to make me blush.

Like, on Friday, Simon, and Abby come into lunch pretty late after rehearsals. Simon has on stage makeup and honestly looks jaw-droppingly hot. He’s without glasses and is wearing eyeliner which makes his brilliant, moon-gray eyes stand out even more. His hair, like always, has a soft, messy, bed-head look. I honestly just stare. It’s impossible not to. Leah makes a comment of “Holy Fuck Simon,” and it’s literally what I’m currently thinking. My brain is drooling. Literally drooling, and I’m actually starting to have a problem. He laughs at something and I can’t help but bite my lip back longingly. _Holy Fuck Simon_. Garrett catches me staring and gives me the most rediculous look and smirk beyond all other smirks. I have to spend the entirety of lunch listening to Leah and Abby describe Simon’s hotness while I not so casually ignore my “problem” and avoid making eye contact with Garrett.

Later, I insist we go see the school play instead of skipping, which earns me numerous sarcastic scoffs and cocky laughs from Garrett. He knows I want to attend every performance of _Oliver_ not because I’m a theater person, but because it’s another excuse to stare at Simon in eyeliner, but who can blame me, he’s actually beautiful. Garrett knowing about my feelings for Simon is going to be a pain in the ass, but at least I’m lucky enough to have a supportive friend. I have to admit, I’m beyond lucky to have him no matter what a pain in the ass he may be.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you all enjoyed. Garrett Laughlin is a boy who deserves respect and it seemed in the book that Bram would come out to him before anyone else at school. I knew I wanted to write this one from the beginning and I finally did. Please leave comments below. Let me know what you think! Peace to all :)


End file.
